Can you taste that cold, stagnant, dry, cough-inducing October air? Spooky season is upon us. And to celebrate this fun and creepy time of year, I’ve forced myself to watch hours of psychologically-disturbing content every day this week so that you guys will know exactly which horror movie you want to watch over the five-day weekend.
This is a review of seven of the most recent horror movies I could find. I’ve included a short summary, commentary, a jumpscare count, trigger warnings and a final score out of 10.
“Pet Sematary”
With wilting sunflowers dripping with blood, swarms of buzzing flies and eerie whispers emanating from the shadows of the woods, Ludlow, Maine, just might be your next vacation spot. But you may soon find that entering Ludlow is a lot easier than leaving.
Jud and Norma were planning on leaving Ludlow to join the Peace Corps in Michigan, but after Norma is attacked by the Baterman’s freaky dog, they have to postpone their trip.
But the Baterman’s dog isn’t the only freaky thing roaming around in this town. Evil things are lurking, and Jud and Norma might just miss their only chance at escaping alive.
Trigger warnings: animal attacks, dog dies, mention and implication of suicide, tight spaces and drowning.
Jump scares: 7
Overall: 7/10
This movie definitely had me scared. I think the plot wandered a bit toward the end, but it was still entertaining.
“M3gan”
After losing her parents in a car accident, 9-year-old Cady is sent to live with her aunt Gemma. Gemma doesn’t know anything about raising a child. She struggles to interact with Cady and often leaves Cady by herself.
But what Gemma does know is code. After watching how happy Cady looked interacting with Bruce, a robot Gemma programmed when she was in college, she decides to make Cady an even better robot to play with: M3gan.
At first, M3gan perfectly balances out Cady and Gemma’s dynamic, keeping Cady occupied and engaged while Gemma focuses on her work. But M3gan will do anything to protect Cady from any perceived threat- even override her programming.
Overall: 7/10
I loved this modern take on the haunted doll and AI turned against mankind tropes, it blended the two concepts together beautifully. This movie wasn’t scary at all, but it was wildly entertaining and at times funny. If you’re looking for a tamer scary movie to watch this weekend, this is the one for you.
Trigger warnings: dog dies.
Jump scare count: 5
“Huesera: the Bone Woman”
You will never be able to hear “snap, crackle, pop” the same way after watching this movie. Newly expecting mother Valeria Hernandez and her husband Raul are overjoyed with the news of the pregnancy. This joy quickly descends into terror after Valeria sees a woman jump from the balcony of the apartment building across the street. Looking out over the balcony, Valeria watches the woman on the pavement’s limbs twitch. One arm snaps up. Then another. And neck cracks, her head snapping in Valeria’s direction. Raul assures Valeria that there’s no one there and that everything is fine. But it won’t be the last time Valeria will see the bone woman appear.
Overall: 9/10
I lost sleep over this, which means it was done well. This movie was bone-chilling. Every time I crack my knuckles now it makes me nervous. The plot isn’t super strong and I would have loved more lore and explanation behind it, but even still, you won’t be able to look away from this for a second. It was captivating.
Trigger warnings: suicide, vomit, f-slur, graphic nudity, dog dies, flashing lights and disturbing audio.
Jump scare count: 3
“Barbarian”
Many romances begin with awkward first encounters with strangers because of strange and unforeseen circumstances. This, however, is no romance. Beneath sheets of rain and claps of thunder, Tess pulls up to her Airbnb. She puts the code into the lockbox and groans when she finds it empty. She goes back to her car and dials the number registered with the Airbnb but no one picks up. Out of the corner of her eye, she sees one of the lights inside the house flick on. She gets back out of the car and rushes to the door which is immediately opened by a stranger. It doesn’t take long for the two of them to realize that they had rented the same place at the same time through two different apps. The two get acquainted and everything seems to be going fine until Tess discovers a hidden door in the basement.
Overall: 10/10
Out of the seven I’ve reviewed, this one was my favorite. This movie has everything. Flashlight fumbling, spooky basements, slamming doors, dungeons, suspect strangers, torture videos on VCR, everything. It even has a moving plot. With a broader message about humanity, it’s been a long time since I’ve watched a horror movie with a plot that held up this well. I don’t think I’ve liked a horror movie this much since I first watched “1408”. This is a must-see.
Trigger Warnings: Graphic nudity, mention of sexual assault, f-slur, vomit, suicide, stalking.
Jumpscares: 9
“Nefarious”
After his mentor commits suicide, James is sent into a federal prison to perform a psychiatric evaluation on Edward Wayne Brady, a convicted serial killer. James must determine if Brady is clinically insane and if he finds that Edward isn’t, the killer will be given the sizzle that very evening.
At first, James suspects that Brady will try to convince him that he’s insane to avoid execution, but when interrogated, Brady claims that he is possessed by a demon and that he wants to be put to death. The longer the evaluation goes on, the more James comes to wonder if Brady is trying to trick him or if he’s actually telling the truth.
Overall: 3/10
This movie relied heavily on dialogue because more than half of it was interrogation, and I think that was risk the director took that didn’t pay off. I can see the vision, and I think that this movie had potential but the writing was just missing something. I found myself wondering throughout the movie when it was going to pick up and it just never did. There were also parts of this movie that were religious and kind of preachy- which is something I don’t usually expect from a horror movie.
Trigger Warnings: suicide, abortion.
Jumpscares: 1
“X”
Staying in an old, Civil War soldier bunk on someone else’s farm for a weekend might not sound very enticing to most, but for a group of people looking for a cheap place to make explicit films, it was perfect.
The elderly farm owner told the group not to disturb him and his wife, but Maxine starts to notice that the wife, Pearl, is watching them.
“Barbarian” being the best movie on this list, X is a close second. I never knew old people could be so scary. For a movie with only three jumpscares, it was absolutely brutal. I very much look forward to watching the prequel, “Pearl.”
Trigger Warnings: drug use, graphic nudity.
Jumpscares: 3
“Scream VI”
It’s been almost one year since the Woodsboro killings and another killer has taken up the mask, continuing the ghostface slasher legacy.
Sam and Tara Carpenter thought they had left that life behind them when they packed their bags and moved to New York, but with a new group of friends and a new killer after them, there’s no one they can trust.
Overall: 6/10
I could take or leave this movie. It was pretty good for the sixth movie in a franchise, and I liked that the characters often broke the fourth wall. I also really liked that one of the characters was named Jason as an homage to “Friday the 13th.” If you’ve watched all of the “Scream” movies, this is definitely worth watching, but if you haven’t seen the newer ones, you’re going to be missing a lot of context. It was entertaining and I felt like it maintained the “Scream” style of horror well, but like with many sequels, the best one is still by far the original.
Trigger Warnings: schizophrenia.
Jumpscares: 12
